In the limelight

Casting light on the relation between ego and nerves…

Of the 16 concerts so far, exactly half have been in churches. Three were in galleries or multi-use art spaces. I’ve played one school auditorium, one senior center, and one Grange. Our first library and town hall are coming up soon, and we’re looking at some interesting one-off locations in the uninhabited and barely inhabited towns. 

These venues have diverse setups, sometimes including a stage, but always with the piano in close proximity to the audience and a clear sense that we are all sharing a single space. 

Only two performances have been in dedicated concert halls: the launch concert at UVM, and concert 15 at the Chandler Music Hall in Randolph.  Compared to less formal spaces, the concert halls have larger, higher stages that separate the performer and audience. The isolation and elevation can be intensified by lighting: in Chandler, I was lit with the light of a hundred thousand lumens, while the house was completely dark. It was hard to feel communion with an audience I couldn’t see, while my hypervisibility shouted that the show was All About Me. Months of adjusting my attitude to look on performance as a community act went out the window.

And sure enough, for only the second time this project, I properly lost my place. Early into the concert, near the start of the Bach Partita, in the Allemande. It lasted only a couple of measures, during which I fumbled along convincingly enough, but it was enough to knock me back and keep me self-conscious and second-guessing for the rest of the first half. The other time I got lost? Concert no. 1…in the UVM Recital Hall.

Fortunately, the other thing these two performances had in common was an intermission, giving me a chance to reset. (In all the intervening concerts, in less formal settings, I’d been playing and talking for 70-80 minutes without leaving the piano.) Then, in the second half, singer Jennifer Grout encouraged the audience to follow the translations in the program. This was basically impossible the way the lighting was set, so I asked the good tech crew to bring up the house a bit. 

I could see people! That, and working in concert with Jennifer, rescued me from my self. No longer marooned in a sea of darkness on my island of light, now buoyed by the community, I could give myself up to the music and give the music to them.